From the mouth of the prophet Jagger and other 100 word vignettes

From the mouth of the prophet Jagger

A cleaner who saw and ate

The leftovers from a rock star’s banquet

Was told by another

The food he ate was the rock star’s own

And he went suddenly mad

And subsequently died,

For the divinity of the rock star

Is as cursed as it is blessed.

That evening an Exorcist brought to the body many also oppressed by demons and he cast out the spirits with a cleansing word and healed those who were sick. This was to fulfill what was spoken by the prophet Jagger: “The dead cleaner took our illnesses and bore our diseases.”

 

Do NOT kiss my arse!

A great Queen wouldn’t shake a subject’s hand

Without a glove,

Her hand that had touched cutlery

After touching her undergarments

After blowing her nose

After wiping her arse

After an evacuation

Before putting on her glove.

She would never let them kiss her arse. ‘Let them kiss me with their sweet lips!’ For their love is better than wine; their anointing oils fragrant; these virgin men who love her. The Queen brings them into her chambers. There they exult and rejoice in her; they extol their love more than wine; and rightly do they love her.

 

The blood which dare not speaks its name

Should that old taboo remain

That menstruating women are unclean

Likewise women giving birth,

Then it can be said

That visionaries just as the warriors

The holy as well as the rich

Every male born into this world

Are cursed with the same taboo.

Afterwards, on the eighth day they shall take two tampons and bring them to the doctor, at the entrance of a medical clinic. And the doctor shall use one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. And the doctor shall make atonement for them before God for their unclean discharge.

 

Bogans singing in the rain

It was a custom in outer suburbs

For a new Bogan

To neither chest thump

Nor touch another

Nor walk footpaths threateningly,

In that he remains ordinary

Until an initiated member

Has punched him out.

Older bogans likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much beer. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young bogans to respect their peers, to be self-controlled, pure, working in a job, thoughtful, and be submissive to their own parents, that their world of outer suburbia may not be reviled.

 

The spirits of redundancy

Company executives

After a business takeover

Would run office hallways

Shouting and screaming

To drive away the spirits

Of those made redundant,

Lest they

Haunt aisles and cubicles.

Some would then go across the sea in great ships, doing business on the great waters where they saw the deeds of the redundant, their wondrous works in the deep end. They mounted masts up to the sky; they went down to the ocean’s depths; their courage melted away in their fearful plight; they reeled and staggered like drunken executives who were at their wits’ end.

 

The death of Death’s sting

A murderer on death row

Did a strange thing,

He mourned for his victim

By not eating

By not masturbating

He would starve

Or be executed

Whichever came first.

And at the sounding of the last trumpet the murderer will be raised imperishable, and he shall be changed. For when the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: “Death is swallowed up in victory.” “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”

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