Wensdae and the Happy Analyst; or Three Demons, their Functions and their Destruction

Wensdae, a young woman of twenty five years, has returned to the Congregation for healing after some years of independence and because of a litany of troubles she’s been having with her lover. The final straw? They had had a violent quarrel which took place in a local pub, and shortly afterwards angry and alone Wensdae sunk into a deep despair. She was still in love with Cyrano, her lover of six years, and she wanted to marry him.

It was soon after her re-admittance to the Congregation that she told the Happy Analyst Demons were frustrating her plans to marry her lover Cyrano and she wanted rid of them. The Happy Analyst promised he would so over time and analysis. During her analysis she seldom spoke, and wandered about the complex like a forlorn person. Sometimes she would suddenly stop, and fix her eyes on an innocuous object, and continue to stare at it for more than an hour. Afterwards she became stupid, hung her down head, and mumbled like an idiot. The Demons are doing this because they are afraid said the Happy Analyst. He told Wensdae they have come to keep her from her lover and him too. The Happy Analyst is the only person in the Congregation she feels at ease with. He gives her the answers she wants to hear because the Demons are frustrating her need for natural and sensual loving. Oh how she yearns for Cyrano’s touch! After many sessions of free association the Happy Analyst identified three Demons working in tandem against her. Their names are Drooper, Luvvduvv and Coldfact.

Drooper is a Demon who manipulates, tempting lovers to be unfaithful by disguising Himself as the perfect lover when there are arguments.

Luvvduvv is the Demon princess of distraction. It is she who gets deepest in the body to cause all manner of bodily discomfort.

Coldfact is the Demon who tells the painful Truth. It is he who will not allow self deception.
In their sessions Wensdae begs the Happy Analyst to find a way of getting rid of them. He assures her that once they are gone she will be able to marry Cyrano.

Wensdae grew up in Birmingham. She attended the Congregation as a child, but never had a relationship with the Congregation’s Analyst. Even when she was young she could sense an emotional battle going on within her. She used to love riding a scooter and there was a path that ran along a canal around where she lived. Often while riding the canal to her only friend’s house she felt a presence of something. It was like rippling tide on the left side of her, and on her right a cold, brittle air, like it was about to snow. She stopped going. If there was a battle to possess her she believed that whatever took hold of her will determine the rest of her life.

She didn’t have much of a family life when she was young. She was adopted by a Congregation family and she never knew her birth mother. And her adoptive father was abusing her. She felt lonely and the fear of it was leading her down a tumultuous path. Something was missing. She wanted friendships and relationships that meant something to her. She felt she was an adult in a teenager’s skin.

When her adoptive parents separated in her late teens, Wensdae began to fill the void in her life with dark fantasies of the occult. By this time she has left the Congregation and became homeless. The Happy Analyst had paid scant attention to her during her troubled time there, and she was bored by the Congregation’s rituals. She started experimenting with an Ouija board, which opened doors that would not easily close. Very powerful experiences then came. She felt there was something extra in her, and she knew she was different. She recalls walking the streets at night and cats hissing at her. Dogs would bark savagely. When the moon was full the moonlight where she walked was a dark space. All sounds around her seemed exaggerated. She saw three shadows where there shouldn’t have been. Then she met Cyrano.

Reflecting on this her Happy Analyst told Wensdae the Demons always make themselves known to her at the most opportune time. Of the three, Drooper manipulates, and in the shadows he appears as her fantasy lover, whom she acutely senses, because Cyrano has a similar odour about him. The second is Luvvduvv, who looks like her, Wensdae, and her red blood cells are diseased. The third is Coldfact, who had no body, except when Wensdae is standing naked underneath a street light at night.

Wensdae says it must be they whom she meets in her dreams. They fill her with knowledge of the realms of darkness and tell her how they operate in her. If they offered everything she craved then everything will be alright. They said they will teach her things about herself and all will be well. But first she must prove herself to them. They wanted her to harass Christians. Why, she asked? Because deep down they do not believe in the sacrifice of Christ, only in their own sacrifices.

She went to churches and spoke out against their fundamental unbelief. Each time she was forcibly evicted. She challenged street preachers until the police came. She wrote letters to Christian publications that were never published. She occasionally had small successes. She would engage with the homeless queuing up for food at Christian establishments. She asked who they believed in and they said the person who gives them food. And afterwards they would be sitting on the steps, smoking a cigarette, and questioning the foodgiver’s faith.

One evening, Wensdae went to disrupt a church service by mocking the faithful as unbelievers. A church singer sang about taking Cyrano back from the Devil and Wensdae went berserk boiling inside. Leave Cyrano alone she screamed, he is mine. She did not know Cyrano was in the church. And he came running up to her and told her to keep quiet. Her love for him fell away and they began to argue. She wanted to run away and sleep with the first man she saw who did not have the Devil in him.

The Happy Analyst, a grey bearded man in his sixties, formally attired and wearing frameless oval spectacles, sits at Wensdae’s side while she reveals her stories. He listens to her and says not a word. Sometimes she rails at him for not paying her enough attention. He is selfish like Cyrano. All men are selfish. She free associates what enters her head, trying to find meaning in all the surfacing unconscious thoughts. The Happy Analyst smiles and gently prompts. He is fracturing her emotions into strengths and weaknesses. The three Demons in her await their turn. She is falling in love with him. No person has seen her so emotionally raw. She wants to give everything of herself to him, her body, her mind, her soul. He might love her after he’s taken her. The Happy Analyst has seen it all before. Men and women have begged him to take them, to use them as he sees fit. Because they have no self worth, they trust he will do them no harm and release them from themselves and remake them.

Each Demon is removed by a certain method. They are removed in order of their seniority. Drooper is first and is removed by purging, Luvvduvv by bleeding and lastly Coldfact by vomiting. The Happy Analyst is an expert on these traditional methods. After the procedure he assures Wensdae that the three Demons will never return.

The Happy Analyst, in his studies of human nature, has observed the sympathetic actions between Demons and corresponding minds and bodies. Wensdae is the complete victim of Drooper, Luvvduvv and Coldfact. He knows it is them because of her behaviour. She talks of feeling listless, of being without energy, unless Cyrano is beside her. But of course now that she is lying beside the Happy Analyst she feels alive and aroused. He of course knows the truth. Drooper has possessed her whole. This Demon now has her in the Pishogue Condition, for she sees her lover Cyrano sitting next to her. Love in its most vulnerable state will always deceive. There is no time to lose.

Drooper resides in the bowels. The Happy Analyst has long observed that when Drooper is present in an individual they are constipated. Wensdae when asked, and having overcome her embarrassment, said she was. When she is with Cyrano there are no problems. But since her sessions with the Happy Analyst she has not been relaxed. A good dosage of tincture of senna has been prepared. Action will be speedy and with little griping. This medicine seldom fails to produce four or five stools, and frequently a greater number. But Drooper is cunning. Often there is no evidence of the Demon after many days. And thus the bowels must be kept in an open state. Provisions are made for the modesty and privacy of patients during this time of purging. Adequate liquids and gourmet foods are provided, accompanied by rest and relaxation.

When Drooper takes complete control it can happen that the entire system of digestion and elimination becomes particularly inert. When the patient refuses to take food, and is obstinately constipated: the breath is foul, and the skin is tinged with a yellowish hue: the eyes assume a glossy lustre, and exhibit a peculiar wildness. In this state, the Happy Analyst will give top up doses of paraffin, which may produce fewer stools, but after the bowels have been sufficiently evacuated in this way, the appetite will return, and the patient will take the correct measures of food. And while the patient, in the case Wensdae, continues to show love for the Happy Analyst, Drooper is definitely present. Those like Wensdae who have enjoyed free living outside of the Congregation, and who come from a more basic diet, are indeed very vulnerable to constipation. This is why the food is gourmand and fibrous, and the treatment first class. Drooper is not fond of quality.

Only with patience and care can the Happy Analyst succeed in the removal of Drooper from the bowels. The process involves much suffering, and Wensdae has suffered already. She has given everything of herself so that she can be cured of her Demons. Cyrano has been informed of the procedures Wensdae must go through. He has given his assent, and he is committed to waiting for her until she is cured.

Once Wensdae has told the Happy Analyst she hates him she is deemed ready to have removed from her the second Demon, Luvvduvv. Since this Demon resides in Wensdae’s blood cells she must be bled.

Wensdae when told of this expressed a great aversion to the benefits of bloodletting and refused to have it done. And becoming obstinate her skin broke out in red welts, her mouth was very dry and she shook violently. Luvvduvv was now at work in her the Happy Analyst counselled. She is restrained in a straight jacket and her resistance is to be completed by the insertion of a wedge into Wensdae’s mouth so that a relaxant medicine can be applied. Wensdae’s resistance was very strong which meant the presence of Luvvduvv was also very strong. Her head was then placed between the knees of the Happy Analyst, who sat over her looking upwards, and her mouth was forced open for the wedge is pressed across her tongue, to allow the medicine to be introduced, contained in a vial, and to facilitate a steadily run down the gullet. Her nose is pinched, and swallowing is without resistance.
Wensdae’s blood is then taken from the head by cupping. Wensdae’s head had been previously shaven, Luvvduvv’s cleansing began with this, and three cupping glasses are then applied to her scalp. In this way any quantity of blood can be taken, and in a short time through an opening of a vein in the scalp made by a scalpel. Luvvduvv presence has continued for a considerable time, and Wensdae’s scalp being unusually flaccid meant that a large quantity of blood must be taken, perhaps up to a half a litre. Upon the manner of the procedure Wensdae is soon calm, the blood flows easily, and Luvvduvv’s influence is weakened. While she is at rest her blood is examined for Luvvduvv’s impurities of which there are many. Afterwards Wensdae has shown no apparent violence, thus intimating to the Happy Analyst that his work in removing Luvvduvv has been successful.

Finally to remove Coldfact, resident in Wensdae’s stomach one full and holistic vomit is all that is required. Though Coldfact is the last dominating Demon it is the easiest to remove. Wensdae is already very weak and her resistance to this procedure is minimal. This is the final hurdle to be overcome her Happy Analyst tells her. Once Wensdae is freed of her Demons she can then reunite with her lover Cyrano. A small quantity of tartar emetic is then orally introduced into a restrained Wensdae standing perpendicular to a clear bucket below. Soon the eruption begins and Wensdae, bathed in sweat and pallid skinned, doubles over and violently empties her stomach’s content into the clear bucket. Upon recovering she sees the bucket’s contents which are that of the remains of Coldfact. The painful and smelly truth is exposed for her and the Happy Analyst to see. And Wensdae’s Pishogue Condition will finally end once Cyrano replaces the Happy Analyst as the most important man in her life.

Wensdae’s recovery took a number of months. Many members of the Congregation came to see her and to wish her well. They told her how they have been through similar procedures and have not once regretted them. They were happy in the knowledge that their Demons are gone, all thanks to the love and care of the Happy Analyst. This was a comfort to Wensdae who, with each day of recovery, is yearning more and more for Cyrano. He isn’t allowed to see her until the Happy Analyst gives it the all clear. And finally the day comes and the two lovers are reunited. And as they walked together in the Congregation’s lawns they argue about the way Cyrano is dressed, in track daks and a muscle shirt. He wasn’t going to wear THAT at their wedding! But despite this they are clearly happy to be in each other’s arms. And looking on is the Happy Analyst pleased that his arcane methods are working as well as ever.



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