I had drawn two symbols on a piece of white paper. Then, with the help of my dad, I hung each symbol over a different doorway leading out of the living room in my house. One represented God and it looked like a star, and the other represented Satan and it looked like fire. I was a child of seven and my parents asked me to make these symbols and then go through the doorway under the sign which most appealed to me. I liked fire and I went through that door. Mom and dad then sat me down because now they were sure I understood that I was a sinner and that I cannot go to Heaven because of my sins. I must accept the gift of payment for my sins through the blood of Jesus Christ so I can be to be forgiven and then I will go to Heaven. When I went through the doorway I was automatically on Satan’s team. I didn’t really have much of a choice. I was a sinner. My parents told me that Satan is glad to have me on his team and he does all he can to keep me there. He is really good at tricking people into wanting them to stay on his team. He is called the master of lies.
Since I was on Satan’s team I decided to find out who he is. I asked my parents and they told me that if I carefully read the Bible I would find all I needed to know about Satan. It’s a journey which has taken me well into adulthood and to my parent’s dismay, I still walk through Satan’s doorway rather than the other one, as I first did as a seven year old. I am still living with my parents who are elderly now, and I still study the Bible every day.
I found in my Bible readings that Satan is a fallen angel with supernatural powers. But could not find in the Bible what Satan actually looked like except that he took on various guises to work his evil ways beginning with the serpent which tempted Eve. I found that Satan could be as a body, a mind; the will behind certain groups who seek to do harm, individuals and group deceivers who act as false prophets. Satan could be people of religion and politics who are handsome, charming, educated, and polite, and who say things they don’t believe in but nevertheless people want to hear. Thus through the Bible I found Satan to be everything that is deceptive whom I must watch out for every conscious or unconscious second of my life; for if I am not prepared to keep him at bay through the love of Jesus Christ Lord and my Saviour, I will surely remain a fallen victim to him and be lost forever. As my parents had said to me I am on Satan’s team and he is glad to have me aboard.
One day it occurred to me that I might be Satan and in this way I could better understand him so that I might better resist him. Now this probably sounded a bit crazy, me Satan! But I thought, well, I’m already on his team, and my life is normal anyway, like I’ve got a job and friends and I don’t cause any trouble. I’ve learnt that Satan is very subtle and perhaps he is working his evil ways through me when I get angry and frustrated, and when I speak badly of people I don’t like. So by being Satan I’m making Satan a real person. The Bible says that Satan is intelligent, emotional, angry, wilful and desirous, which is lucky for me because I also have similar personality traits. Humans are after all ignorant of Satan’s schemes, and as the serpent deceived Eve so might I also be lead astray. As they say, keeps your friends close and your enemies, in my case Satan, closer.
Satan is in the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, and in the New Testament where Jesus has encountered him, and who regularly speaks of him as a real being. Because Jesus speaks of Satan as a real person there is no way Satan does not exist. I could put myself in Jesus’ time and be Satan but I wouldn’t know what I was talking about. Those were different times but luckily the Bible is as relevant today as it was then so it is easier to be Satan in my time and have the Bible as my guide. As was then, I, as a fallen human being, still wrestle daily against dark powers, against the world rulers of humanity’s current darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in heavenly places. I cannot see Satan because he is a spirit, but I can understand him because he is me. It is true that Satan is everywhere in the world because he has demonic forces doing his bidding, since he is prince of the power of air. I cannot know of everything he does in the world but I can know what he does with me. And besides God, the creator of Satan is also in me, and I believe the power of God in me is greater than Satan’s who is in the world making mischief. Indeed because God allows everything I have decided to be God myself while I am Satan, so that ultimately I should resist Satan and make him flee.
The Bible tells me Satan is the Tempter. If there is an opportunity to go against the wishes of God he will beguile me into doing so. I understand this because many a time I have been tempted into doing something naughty or sinful, and I’ve done it. I have desired objects to be had, I have seen things I should have averted my eyes from, and I am proud of who I am which makes me arrogant. With the Bible as my guide it began to dawn on me that my parents were right and Satan was with me when I was born and because his influence has been strong, perhaps Satan and me, John O’Hoonigan, are actually one in the same. But then Satan could be deceiving me into thinking I am Satan not he, because he might use truth to propagate a lie while I am vulnerable. He might say in my subconscious that he does not exist when in reality this is a lie. He might also say that God exists and that could be a lie which means it’s just me and Satan.
Satan is the best at distorting the meaning of something original by taking it away from that meaning and making it something else. Even the words of the Bible are vulnerable to distortion when interpreted by the wrong people who are deceived into believing that their reading of the Bible is the truth. And the Bible which I use is full of deceit. But since I am now Satan, when I am reading the Bible’s words my deceit is self deceit. But thanks to my saviour Jesus Christ I am aware of this and recognise that this is deception.
Satan was an angel who saw himself as God, and having fallen from Heaven his purpose now is to make humans think like God and thus displace God and be God themselves. Like I am God now. If humanity becomes Godless then Satan has won and he will be unknowingly worshipped. To achieve this Satan imitates as much of God as he can muster and distorts and perverts the key ingredients of truth which are vital to humanity’s salvation through Christ. It is only through God’s inspiration that the truth is to be found. I might be Satan now but after knowing him I’m sure there is ultimate truth somewhere.
Satan works well with unbelievers. He dulls their minds so that they will not accept the Gospel. He does this by making them think that there are many ways to heaven. This dullness attacks the minds of people, and while unbelievers may think and reason, only a power greater than Satan’s can remove that blindness. Human reasoning and convincing arguments have their sources, but only the power of God can remove satanic dullness. Satan takes away from people’s minds God’s Word which they have heard in order to prevent their believing. Sometimes Satan fills people’s minds with his own words. Sometimes Satan is very persuasive like a salesman.
Lately I’ve been thinking about killing my parents. They get so upset with me when I walk through Satan’s door and never God’s door. If Satan is with me I can’t really help it, can I. I don’t like to see my parents suffer in this way. And I don’t want to suffer either. They brought me up to be good like them. But how can I be good if I’m on Satan’s team and that I never walk through God’s door? I read the Bible everyday like I am supposed to do but everything I read sounds like it’s Satan talking to me because Satan is the master of lies. I believe the Bible to be true, but how can I be sure? Satan is so persuasive. And often I feel there is no God because I don’t feel like I am God when I am troubled by Satan. I feel powerless. It is as though I am dead in my trespasses and sins, in which I walk according to the course of my world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in me as the son of disobedience. And then I ask myself, shall I bruise dad on the head, and bruise mom on the heel, or do it the other way around?
If I do the deed for a time peace in the household will reign, and prosperity too, for there will be an inheritance. Of course I will plead insanity. I could not choose whether it was God or the Devil which made me do it. The evidence will be inconclusive. I have this idea for a perfect home life where there’ll be no conflict and enmity. I’d be reading the Bible and finding only God and God would be in me but not necessarily me as he is now.
But what nags me is the fact that even with my parents gone, and I return to an empty house the first thing I’m sure to do is walk through Satan’s door. Maybe I’m misguided into thinking I’m basically a good person. The light of goodness need only shine overhead and I will do good things for myself and the world around me. But how foolish of me to actually think that! My condition is frightfully bankrupt and unless I somehow unlock to door to my salvation I am doomed to be myself as I am, through the Satan door walker. I am really Satan in that I am a liar, a slanderer, the great deceiver and the cause of my own misery.
Soon I will kill my parents. It seems the right thing to do. If I am God the bruising will be merciful. If I am Satan the bruising will be merciless.