Esmeralda and the Blue Whale

After Ethel Turtle retired her son Bobo Turtle took over the chairmanship of THIS Company. He was a particularly nasty sort of fellow who bullied the staff and the company’s clients alike. And not only that there were times at board meetings when crucial decisions had to made that Bobo would take out a pair of dice and roll them. Odds would mean the company would go this way and evens meant it would go that way.

Needless to say Bobo was eventually removed by the troubled board in a bloodless coup and replaced by one of Ethel’s nephews James Hips who began to restore confidence in the chairmanship. He began to steer the company into steadier waters which satisfied the grateful shareholders and staff alike.

Ebenezer Stint was still the company’s long term chartered accountant but who was now an old man, and very feeble, and near to death. He is the only staff member ever granted the privilege of leaving the company in a long pine box.

James Hips came to see him, and wept over him, much to the discomfort of Ebenezer and said to him, as Ethel Turtle had once said to her father, the founder of the company , “My accountant, my accountant, you are to this company more than its permanent and casual staff. I am not satisfied with the company’s position in the market. So tell me what can I do?”

But Ebenezer, though weak in body, was still strong on ideas. He told James Hips to bring to him a paint ball gun and paint balls, and to open his office window to the east, looking toward the company’s current major competitor. Then Ebenezer got James Hips to fill the paint ball gun, and then he placed his hands on the boss’s hands. And James Hips fired the paint ball gun in the right direction, and Ebenezer said, “This is your ancestor’s paint balls of victory, of victory over THAT Company, for you shall take it over and profits will grow even more”.

Then Ebenezer told James Hips to take three different coloured ball point pens and go downstairs and strike them on the pavement outside. James Hips had struck them with his left hand on the pavement three times, and then he stopped striking. Ebenezer the old chartered accountant was displeased at this, and said to James Hips, “Why did you stop? You should have struck the ground five or six times; then you will win over the whole of THAT Company, but now you shall take over only parts of it, and no more.”

Not long after Ebenezer died, THIS Company entombed his body at the bank vault as was the custom of the day. A week later a caravanserai from a large legal firm called the Trilobites came upon this bank to bury one of their own, but in their haste to escape the oppressive heat and smell in the vault where Ebenezer’s body was entombed they put the body in a spot right next to where Ebenezer was. When odour of this man’s body wafted over the decaying body of Ebenezer, life came to it, and the man stood up dusted himself off went upstairs withdrew all his money and left the building. Ebenezer was certainly influential even in death!

After the death of Ebenezer James Hips began his company’s attempts at taking over THAT Company. He was successful in grabbing a good portion of THAT Company but anticipating a takeover THAT Company had split its divisions into separate entities. And as was prophesied James Hips could only managed to acquire half of THAT Company’s entities. But flushed with success James Hips began calling himself the company’s greatest chairman because of the new and important divisions he had acquired. Under him the company grew richer and stronger and the shareholders were very pleased. James Hips now went around the office dressed up as an American Indian chief telling everyone he was the chief of all the divisions in the company.

But though THAT Company was weakened ANOTHER Company was now rising to great corporate power but whose headquarters could not been seen because of the city’s permanent smog. Its building was very high, so high it would take a fit person one full day to walk up the fire escape to the top of the building. ANOTHER Company was also taking over many smaller companies and THIS Company was in danger of being taken over as well.  At this time the new company accountant, named Esmeralda Hanoj, was giving lowdown on what ANOTHER Company was doing. To Esmeralda Hanoj, James Hips spoke, “Go to where ANOTHER Company stands, and preach financial doom and gloom to it, since its aggression is beginning to seriously bother me.”

But Esmeralda did not wish to preach financial doom and gloom to the management and employees of ANOTHER Company for it was an enemy becoming too large to simply preach economics to it. She wished ANOTHER Company to restrain itself and seek a merger with THIS Company, and her to not preach to the already converted for they might succeed through more devious means. Esmeralda disobeyed James Hips and went away from the vicinity of ANOTHER Company and went to the city’s port and there she got on board a cruise ship which was going on a fourteen day cruise around some of the major Pacific Islands.

But James Hips saw Esmeralda leaving on the cruise ship through a telescope which can follow Esmeralda wherever she went. He had a telescope for each of his executives arraigned in his office. And as the cruise ship was passing through the heads a huge storm suddenly appeared and began to violently lash at the sea and the cruise ship and it was looking like it was in serious trouble. James Hips congratulated himself for again getting something that he wished for.

The frantic crew were marshalling the passengers into the life boats as best as they could, but the situation looked pretty grim, and everybody prayed to something and save the cruise ship and themselves. Remarkably Esmeralda was taking selfies of herself on the upper most deck, when the ship’s captain spotted her and stormed up to her and said, “What do you mean by taking selfies in such a time as this? Show some fear, and call upon something to help you out of this jam. If we all get lucky that something of yours might save us all!”

And the storm raged on over the cruise ship and some crewmembers shouted “There is someone on this ship who has brought upon us this trouble. Let every passenger and crew member roll the dice and let us find out who it is.” In a panic everyone on the cruise shipped rolled the dice and only Esmeralda threw a deuce. They said to her all at once, “Tell us, who are you? What is your business? To what aggressive company do you belong? Why have you brought all this trouble upon us?” Then Esmeralda told them the whole story about her being ordered to preach to ANOTHER Company and how she rebelled and came on the cruise ship. And they screamed at her “What shall we do to you so that the storm will stop?” Then Esmeralda said, “Take me up, and throw me into the sea; then the storm will cease, and the waters will be calm; for I know it is my fault this great storm terrorises you.”

But they were unwilling to throw Esmeralda into the sea. This was not the age of barbarism and superstition. The crew tried hard to steady the cruise ship while attempting to drop the passengers in life boats into the sea, but they could not. Then they cried out, and said, “We pray to anyone, to anyone we pray, let us not die for this woman’s life; for she is a fugitive and here to have us cursed and we have done nothing wrong.” Eventually, and time was really running out, for the storm’s waves were crashing onto the ship’s bridge, they threw Esmeralda into the sea. At once the storm ceased, and the waves became still.

So Esmeralda was thrown into the sea and just then a great blue whale rose to the surface and swallowed her up just like it happened to Jonah all those years ago; and Esmeralda remained alive within the whale for two days and two nights. The great whale was very accommodating to Esmeralda. Its great belly was like a bed sitter with a bed, cooking facilities, a fridge and a bathroom. So Esmeralda was reasonably comfortable in the belly of the great blue whale although her stomach often churned when the whale made sudden moves, and she had to watch herself when schools of fish poured into the whale’s stomach. On the third day the great whale spat her out on the pier she had alighted and waiting for her was James Hips.

“OK Esmeralda Hanoj. I think you’ve learnt your lesson. Now off you go to the space occupied by ANOTHER Company and preach to it the financial doom and gloom I had ordered you to do.”

And so Esmeralda went to ANOTHER Company, and she boldly entered it, and she called out to the staff, “By the end of this financial year ANOTHER Company will overreach itself and then it will collapse and be forced to call in the receivers.” And she walked through all the offices, up and down the stairs, went into the male, female and disabled toilets, in the canteen, in the boardroom, up and down the fire escape, in and out of every lift, all day and into the night shouting only this, “By the end of this financial year ANOTHER Company will be no more.” There was not one security guard in sight. And gradually the staff of ANOTHER Company began to believe Esmeralda’s words.

ANOTHER Company’s chiefs invited Esmeralda to come back for a meeting the next day. And since Jimmy Hips did not tell her when she should come back she booked herself into a nice hotel room, had a nice dinner, slept well and went back to ANOTHER Company the next day.

ANOTHER Company’s chiefs and Esmeralda met in the company boardroom. If it so please her boss James Hips ANOTHER Company will curtail its expansion ambitions for two years as long as THIS Company respected the philosophy of free enterprise and to put aside superstition and prophecy in the name of friendly competition. ANOTHER Company’s chairman then got out of his chair stripped down to his underwear, brought out a large bottle of tomato sauce and proceed to squirt the contents all over his pallid and flabby body as a demonstration of goodwill and humility.  Esmeralda was impressed by this and said she would report what transcribed in this meeting to James Hips and hopefully an amicable agreement can be reached.

Upon hearing Esmeralda’s testimony James Hips realised that ANOTHER Company was truly sorry for its ambitions and he decided to not insist that ANOTHER Company be financially destroyed until after a two year amnesty mutually agreed upon had expired. Then he told Esmeralda to go back to ANOTHER Company and tell the boards of directors his offer. But this made Esmeralda very angry. After all that she had been through! First the whale and now this! She wanted ANOTHER Company gone not least because her chartered accountant powers will surely be weakened. There’s no way Ebenezer Stint would have stood for this!

At this Esmeralda spat the dummy and quit on the spot and went out of the city, and moved into an abandoned humpy on the side of a hill overlooking the city, and slept and sat under its rusted tin roof, to see whether James Hips would make an attempt to appease her. Overnight a Eucalyptus Tree had grown to such a breath and height that it shaded Esmeralda’s humpy from the hot Summer Sun. And the naked Esmeralda was glad and sat underneath its shadow sipping bottle mineral water. It won’t be long now she thought.

But a disease destroyed the Eucalyptus Tree the next night and on the following day a hot little wind blew at the humpy, and Esmeralda suffered badly from the heat and she wished James Hips would hurry up and come and beg her to return.  But he never did. And slowly but surely the stubborn Esmeralda withered away and she died in her humpy. And two years when ANOTHER Company did collapse James Hips came to Esmeralda’s humpy with his new chartered accountant and he said “She did not trust me in the end. And look how the Eucalyptus Tree is growing again! She did not make it grow, and still she made use of it! It was my prerogative to give ANOTHER company two years grace. If she had known it was me who grew and then destroyed the tree she would have sought me out and humbly apologised. But there you have it. So now Mr Christ let us go back and see what further business miracles we can perform together”.

 

 

 

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